Stress

This blog describes 5 simple ways of creating happiness…

5 simple ways to boost your happiness

For most of us, there are only a few things in life that really matter. We want to be happy, healthy and loved. When it comes to happiness, what most people don’t seem to realise is that it really is an inside job. So today, I wanted to spend time discussing happiness.

Where do you place your attention?

There’s a big movement towards mindfulness at the moment and because of how our brains work, it’s actually a very clever idea. With so much going on around us, it’s easy to get distracted by things that really don’t matter and unfortunately for us, the negative ones are easier to remember than the positive ones. Mindfulness exercises are one way to make you notice where your attention lies. In an interesting book called Happiness by design by Professor Paul Dolan, he talks about how our attention should be treated like a scarce resource. If you want to be happy, start paying attention to the things that make you happy in your life. Look for the ones that provide you with meaning or enjoyment. Whether that means a hug from a loved one, watching a dog chase a ball, the taste of a morning coffee, start looking for the things that make you happy. Then, at the end of the day, start writing them down in a journal. The more you do this, the more you train your brain and attention to start looking for these happy things and the more often they seem to appear.

Surround yourself with other happy people

There’s a reason that it’s said you are the sum of the five people closest to you. Whether you’re chasing money, health or happiness, the habits and outlook of those around you can have a huge effect. So if what you want is happiness, take a good hard look at the people who fill your life. Much as we wish it wasn’t the case, most of us have that friend who only ever calls to complain about how bad their life is or how they need a favour and then after you’ve caught up you feel more exhausted than you did beforehand. So do yourself a favour and start noticing which of your friends make you feel good, which ones seem happy and enthusiastic about life. By spending a bit more time with these friends than the negative Nelly type, you’ll be sure to feel that happiness rubbing off on you too!

Smile

Smiles are wonderful things. Contagious and joyful, they can lift almost anyone’s mood. A lot of research is now going into studies about laughter and smiling and it’s a really interesting field. This is because our thoughts and physical bodies are more connected than we realise. In fact, your body often shows signs of how you’re feeling before your brain has realised it. By activating the facial muscles into a smile, it tells you to be happy and to relax and your brain and thoughts will act accordingly.

Give unconditionally

Let me preface this by emphasising the word unconditionally. If you are in a state where you’re so depleted that you have nothing left to give anyone, focus on giving back to yourself instead. Similarly, if your motivation is to appear to others to be a good person, you won’t get the natural high. But, the act of helping someone else out, expecting nothing in return is incredibly powerful because it often brings the giver both pleasure and purpose, the two key elements needed for happiness according to Professor Dolan.

Connect

We are pack animals who need to belong. But in a technological world where most people opt for an sms or email, we seem to be losing the skill of actual conversation and human connection. This is why spending time with others is so important. Where human touch (i.e. a hug) can release a wave of oxytocin to reduce anxiety and help you feel safe, a deep and meaningful conversation helps us feel understood which in turn leaves us feeling happier, knowing we belong to a group. This is yet another reason why the people we surround ourselves with are so important!

Wishing you great health and a very happy day,

Dr Pete

PS. you are welcome to share this with friends and family

About Dr Pete

Dr Peter Holsman is a qualified Medical Practitioner, Naturopath and Professional Speaker based in Melbourne. An expert in his field with over 30 years experience, he specialises in treating people with fatigue related illnesses including stress, depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, thyroid and adrenal hormone problems.

This blog describes a great technique to help you turn wishful thinking into positive changes

Are You Ready To Make Some Positive Changes?

Christmas and New Year holidays are now well and truly behind us.

Would you like this year to be different, and if so, what changes do you have in mind?

What can you do to help turn wishful thinking into positive changes?

The daily questions are a great technique used and taught by Marshal Goldsmith, an executive coach and educator.

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Common Goals

Step one is deciding on what you want to change. Here are some common goals:

• Lose weight
• Exercise daily
• Take up a hobby
• Spend more time with family and friends
• Manage stress
• Become tidier
• Get out of debt
• Communicate effectively‍

How to Keep Score

Select your goals

Draw up a chart in a notebook or make a spreadsheet with days of the Week

Score your efforts from 0 to 10

What This Technique Means To You

It forces you to quantify your level of trying – effort counts.

Low scores make it clear that a particular goal is not a true priority or that we are kidding ourselves.

The questions are a way of making a commitment to change. Either we succeed or we risk private disappointment or public humiliation – if we have told significant others of our intentions.

 

Find Out More

Marshall Goldsmith has written a brilliant practical book that will help you create positive change.

It is called  “Triggers – sparking positive change and making it last”.

 

Have a Healthy Life,
Dr Pete

Anxiety is a common problem that often needs help….

Feeling occasionally anxious is a normal response to modern life.

However, for some people their anxiety is very unsettling. It stirs up uncomfortable feelings when faced with simple everyday situations. If you or someone you know avoids social gatherings, work meetings or confrontations, due to anxiety, then don’t ignore these feelings. It’s time to get some skills and strategies to help you manage life effectively.

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Symptoms Can Be Physical AND Emotional

Symptoms of anxiety can be very unsettling. Your heart rate increases, your mind races and you can no longer think straight. Though everyone experiences anxiety a bit differently, there are some more common symptoms to look out for.

Physical sensations:

• racing heart;
• hot flushes, sweating and skin clamminess;
• rapid breathing; and/or
• frequent gastrointestinal upsets.

Emotional sensations:

• feelings of excess worry, panic, fear or guilt;
• obsessive thinking and behaviours;
• feeling generally tense and wound up.

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Daily Strategies to Support Yourself

These tips will lead to better overall wellbeing as well as helping you to manage stress and anxiety:

• Connect with friends – keeping in touch with people maintains your support network;
• Exercise (ideally outdoors) – regular exercise has been shown to improve mood and reduce feelings of stress;
• Choose healthy foods – consume protein at each meal and avoid refined and sugary foods. This can help balance your blood sugar levels, reducing mood imbalances and lessening anxiety;
• Avoid caffeine – stimulants such as caffeine can exacerbate anxiety; and
• Breathe! – if you start to feel panicky or anxious, focus on taking some slow, purposeful, deep breaths, helping you return to a state of calm. Meditation can also help to quieten your mind and instil calm.

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Breaking the Cycle

Herbal medicine can be used to help reduce anxiety and nervousness. For example, Passion flower decreases that sense of ‘restlessness’ and can help settle nervous stomachs. It increases the calming neurotransmitters (brain chemicals), such as GABA; soothing a racing mind, decreasing tension and irritability.

Cognitive Behavioural therapy (CBT) is a technique used by many psychologists. I am happy to recommend and/or refer you to a psychologist.

EMDR therapy is another very effective psychological treatment. It reprocesses traumatic memories or events so that highly charged negative emotions can become a healthy adaptive memory. This therapy is offered by an increasing number of psychologists as well as myself.

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Action Time

You are welcome to make an appointment to see me to discuss appropriate ways of managing life stresses more effectively.

Understanding your strengths can add meaning, passion and purpose to your life

Are you focussed on your weaknesses?

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People see me for lots of health related reasons. They often tell me that they feel frustrated, stuck or have lost direction. In part, this may be because they have put lots of effort into analysing their weaknesses and lost track of their passions, strengths or sense of purpose.

Career, relationships, family, friends and hobbies are a few of the areas where ideally we can feel supported and thrive.

Understanding your strengths can help you make better choices, especially when life is not going the way you would like.

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What are your character strengths?

It’s difficult to uncover our strengths if we’re not aware of their existence.

Your signature strengths are your top strengths. Those core characteristics that come most naturally to you, make you feel authentic, alive and engaged, and are easily portrayed across all life domains (school, work, community, family).

Science proves that one way to find greater happiness and well-being is to use your signature strengths in new ways. This strategy has been proven to increase happiness and decrease depression for up to six months!

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What are your goals?

We all have goals. Research is now proving that linking your signature strengths with your goals increases attainment and overall well-being. Furthermore, when you reach a goal that is in line with your core values you will experience greater happiness than achieving a goal that is not consistent with who you are.

The VIA character strength reports give you a way to see yourself more fully and accurately. The reports help you understand your potential and see the tools you have to apply to future goals.

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What this means to you

There are times when people literally feel like a square peg in a round role.

Maximising and building on your strengths is much more effective than only focussing on weaknesses.

Join 8 million other people and do the free VIA Character survey. It can give you some valuable clues about your strengths and help you more readily achieve your goals.

Find out more about this well researched survey here.

This blog discusses some dangers of EMR and how you can protect yourself. Click below to read more.

Electromagnetic radiation or EMR is everywhere. Using our phones, heating food in our microwaves and walking past satellite towers are just some of the many ways we expose ourselves each day.

Unfortunately, EMR is known to cause a range of health problems, upsetting the electrical balance within the body and causing people to feel unwell. As such, it is important to know how you can reduce your exposure to EMR or counter the harmful effects of EMR.

Why is it so dangerous and what can I do to protect myself?

People are only now starting to become aware of the harms associated with EMR which has been associated with for a range of health problems including cancer and other illnesses caused by increased inflammation. However, how the problem should be addressed is often met with blank stares and uncertainty.

One company I know to be of great benefit in tackling this problem of electromagnetic radiation is Earthing Oz. They have a range of earthing products which help to rebalance your body’s electrical charge, reducing the effects of inflammation and high levels of free radicals. From their large range of products, the two that I really recommend are the Bodywell chip phone tag and BluShield portable and plug-in devices which you can purchase by clicking here.

How do earthing products work?

The human heart, brain and nervous system are like electrical substations within our bodies which use electricity to send messages through the nervous system.  The Earth’s surface has a negative charge and when we connect to it, the Earth restores the electrical stability of our body, which allows our bodies to better self-regulate and heal.

Research indicates that regular Earthing, among other things, restores and stabilises a natural state in the electrical functioning of the body, affects many physiological processes, reduces inflammation, pain, and stress, improves sleep and energy levels and aids recovery and healing.

Read more: Breaking the stress cycle

Earthing provides our body with an abundant supply of electrons. Inflammation is caused by free radicals and free radicals are neutralised with electrons from any source. It is also thought that electrons from Earthing increase cellular energy by increasing ATP production in the mitochondria of the cells. This has a positive affect on many physiological processes, speeds up recovery and healing, and increases overall energy levels. These are important mechanisms that allow our bodies to naturally self-regulate, function optimally, recover and heal.

For more information on Earthing Oz’s Bodywell Chip mobile phone protection and Blushield EMR protection devices,  click here or feel free to ask me in your next consultation.

Reduce anxiety, stress and depression by setting healthy boundaries. Find out how by reading this blog….

Boundaries

As we approach the festive season and discussions begin about who is hosting which family gathering, it’s quite common for that sense of panic to take hold. Whether it’s the idea of family members you’re dreading seeing after a year of successful avoidance, family dramas mixed with alcohol, or the stress of entertaining, this happy time can often lead to a world of dread making it suitably named silly season. That’s why today, I wanted to look at the importance of boundaries (especially at this time of year) and at some strategies to help you cope with the holiday period in a way that reduces stress, anxiety and potential depression!

What’s the difference between defences and boundaries?

Before we can discuss the importance of boundaries, it’s important to first distinguish boundaries from defences. Defences are a blanket approach designed to sabotage interaction, to deflect and protect yourself from an outsider’s attack. Defences include things like sharp responses, contradictions and showing indifference to the person trying to engage in conversation. In contrast, boundaries are there to protect you from only undesired interaction. Boundaries can be modified. You may have hard boundaries with somebody you don’t know but much more relaxed boundaries with someone you trust. In this way, boundaries aren’t as one size fits all as you can modify how strong or strict a boundary you maintain depending on the person. These can be things like who you’re comfortable letting close to you (or touching you), whether you’re likely to tolerate someone being late or comments being made or even how someone makes you feel.

Why do boundaries matter?

Boundaries are like a first line of defence for protecting ourselves from unwanted harm. Well maintained boundaries ensure that people interact with you only in a way you’re comfortable with so that you’re not left feeling violated, used or betrayed. While it can be easier to set up strong boundaries with people we don’t know, doing so with those we care about or love can be slightly trickier, especially when past behaviour means they expect something other than what you actually want. This inner conflict between continuing with the status quo and requesting change is often the reason why so many people are left feeling anxious, stressed or dreading of the holiday period and the expectation that they’ll be subjected to boundary crossing behaviour by loved ones.

Setting up healthy boundaries for the holidays

To create successful holidays, there are a few simple things you can proactively do that can make a world of difference!

• Make a plan! It can be easy to feel like everything is happening to you and you have no say. By making a plan about what you can manage in advance, it gives you a bit of a sense of control and can mean you have coping strategies ready to go when/if you need them.
• Have everyone in the family describe what their ideal version of the holidays is (timing, cost, who attends, food, activities etc) so you can troubleshoot potential conflicts ahead of time and can work together to create the best possible outcome for everyone.
• Be clear on the boundaries, especially when important boundaries have been broken in the past. Ie, if you’re not here by … time, we’ll start the meal without you. It may be helpful to give examples from when your boundaries had been broken when discussing them with the perpetrator. Just be aware that it can take time and practice before the person who broke the boundary readily engages in open discussion instead of deflecting or getting defensive. Ideally, you want to bring these discussions up now so there are a few weeks for discussion (and time to cool down if needed).
• Be clear about what you’re committing to for the holidays and make sure you get similar commitment from others involved. If you agreed last year to do Christmas with your partner’s family, make sure you stick to it. If you decided no more than 10 people at the table, make sure everyone is clear on the number and guests.
• Know when it’s time to walk away. As much as we’re told that we should love and accept our family no matter what, there’s a point where the relationships are so toxic and unsalvageable that you need to put yourself first and walk away, no matter how painful or uncomfortable it may be.

Remember that big changes don’t always happen overnight, especially when dealing with people. It’s quite possible that you’ll still face conflict or need to articulate your boundaries a few times before the other person truly starts to understand and respect them! While they’re trying, show appreciation because like any relationship this too is part of a learning curve. This is why it’s so important to have a good support network or psychologist who you can talk to while you’re re-establishing what’s acceptable to you. Not only will it reassure you that you’re doing the right thing for you but it can often be what’s needed to encourage you to keep going.

Addressing 5 of the most common boundaries breached during the Festive Season

As we approach the festive season and discussions begin about who is hosting which family gathering, it’s quite common for that sense of panic to take hold. Continuing on from the above discussion, I thought it could be helpful to zoom in on some of the most common boundary breaches experienced over the holidays so you’re aware and ready to address them!

When not everyone sees the ‘happy’ in happy holidays

It’s ok for you to love a holiday and for your partner to dislike it You may have grown up with memories of it being the one occasion where everyone came together and things just felt wonderful. They on the other hand may only remember feelings of extreme stress and tension. The important thing is to communicate and be understanding of one another. In one example I read about, a husband would transform into an absolute grouch when the holidays approached and it was affecting his wife’s enjoyment of her favourite time of year. By making her boundaries clear and highlighting how his behaviour was affecting her, she was able to communicate her concerns and belief that his mood shouldn’t affect her (or other people’s) enjoyment of the holidays while also recognising that she understood why he didn’t like the holidays. Instead of going into an attack and blame approach, they sat down and discussed what they could do to get the best solution and whether there was anything they could do to help her husband better enjoy the festive season and change how he responded to it moving forward. If you face a similar situation, do your best to find a common ground in which you can celebrate together but be prepared for the reality that it may be better to do different things so that you can both enjoy the day.

Buying gifts

We all want to show our loved ones how much they mean to us but gift giving can often become an over the top, stressful experience. If your family has the tendency to equate the amount of money spent with their perceived worth and this doesn’t sit right with you, make sure you have a discussion ahead of time about what you belief is a reasonable amount to spend and to make it clear that spending in excess of $x is more than what you’re comfortable doing. Alternately, you may suggest that instead of buying gifts for everyone that your family participate in a kris kringle with each person getting one gift.

Being black sheep

It’s one of those strange phenomenon where when you catch up with relatives you’re thrown back into the dynamic you had when you were a kid. So if you were the prodigy child, the focus will be on your successes. If in contrast, you were the black sheep, expect fingers to point at you when things go wrong (no matter how old you get or what you achieve in the interim). This is enough to make anyone start to feel anxious or depressed about an upcoming family gathering. The best case scenario involves a discussion with all family members about how you wish to be treated and their being receptive to it (likely with a bit of reminding through the holidays). However, if you find that attending family gatherings leads only to people berating or abusing you, there may not be an ability to maintain a boundary and so physical distance can become necessary.

No you host!

Hosting a giant family gathering can often be a stressful thing, especially when the person most likely to host is the one who tries to please everyone or if your family works with a rotating host,  it’s quite possible that there’s some reluctance or hesitation in hosting. The important thing about hosting is to remember that boundaries are not only with other people but also self-imposed. If you expect more of yourself than you are capable of, you’ll drive yourself mad long before guests arrive and may then be exhausted and grumpy when they do finally show up. Sit down beforehand and work out what you’re capable of managing and when you need help. Similarly, set the rules on what you’re comfortable doing when you are the host. Just because your mother, aunt or grandmother does things a certain way, doesn’t mean you have to. And if they’re the type to criticise, highlighting consequences can often be a really effective strategy (ie if you don’t like the way I do things, you won’t be welcome at my house for Christmas dinner). When they host, they can do things the way they like but they need to respect you as well. By setting clear boundaries early on, you not only make things more manageable for yourself but also set expectations for others.

Eat some more

Many people have that relative who believes that in order to be a good host, you should force feed your guests until they’re rolling out the door. While their actions may be motivated by good intention, it often overlooks the desires of guests who may naturally eat less, not like certain foods or have dietary restrictions. To avoid being the target of force-feeding or offending the host, acknowledge that you know how much effort they went to in preparing the meal and thank them for this but explain that you will help yourself as you see fit.

If you’d like some more strategies for maintaining healthy boundaries, I recommend getting yourself a copy of “Where to Draw the Line” by Anne Katherine, M.A. It’s been recommended by a number of psychologists and having read the book, I can definitely see why!